I grew up at Ubulu-Uku seeing men love their wives with passion and wives loving their husbands too in the same measure. It was a compulsory price for each other to pay and they do pay it bountifully. This is why you can hear an Ubulu Uku woman, in those days call her husband “dim ozele” meaning my darling husband while the man would call the wife “nwuye m ona” meaning my golden wife.
However, people have different ways of demonstrating love to each other. In Ubulu, the men show their wives love, not necessarily in the open but they do it deep down in their hearts whenever they want to do so.
One area the men show love to their wives is assisting them to do tedious jobs such as slaughtering domestic and bush animals, pounding food, cutting trees, digging pits, splitting fire woods, building stalls and digging the soil. Apart from manual labour, the Ubulu men also show love by helping the wives meet up certain obligations such as paying contribution monies in “safe” (cooperative society) and paying church dues, . They also show love by bringing bush meat from the farm and even vegetables such as ujuju, eliemieonu, pumpkin leaves, mushroom, snail and other farm produce to the house every evening.
These lovely Ubulu men also show love to their wives by cooking tantalizing food at the farm for their wives. This food is known as “nni-ugbo” and it is only done by men. It creates a lovely forum for the men to serve their wives while the latter sit back, cross their legs and savour the “nni ugbo”. In Ubulu Uku, it is a taboo for women to cook in the farm. It is the men who cook and serve their wives at the farm and men don’t misuse such opportunity to show complete and undiluted love.
Another area where Ubulu men show love is by intervening when there is a quarrel between their wives and other family members. The Ubulu men will usually, defend their wives slightly in the public but later tells her the naked truth in the bedroom at the middle of the night.
One good area where Ubulu men show love to their wives is the treatment they give to their in-laws. Most Ubulu men who really love their wives show such passion in their relationship with their in-law families. Ubulu people believe that the love a man has for the wife must reflect in the husband’s relationship with the wife's family. Even some men who want to protest whenever their wives offend them, do so by cutting off communication with the woman’s family in most cases. During Xmas, Easter or even New Year, the Ubulu man who really loves his wife must take 7 or 14 tubers of yam to their in-laws. It doesn’t matter whether the wife’s father is alive or not; the lover man must continue to do this, year in year out. In fact, Ubulu Uku people believe strongly that an in-law must respect the family where he married his wife from, whether rich or poor
Ubulu men don’t criticize their wives; instead they reproach them openly or secretly. Any Ubulu man who criticizes his wife is seen as a fool or perhaps has no love for his wife.
Ubulu men also buy gifts for their lovely wives but these gifts don’t usually come from the "eke" market. They buy them elsewhere because most Ubulu men believe that their market known as "eke" market is not a place for the real Ubulu Uku men. Gift may be bought but not from that very market.
Most Ubulu men attend churches too, simply to showlove to their wives. They believe attending the same church with their wives is one sure way to demonstrate love especially when they attend the same church denomination. Most Ubulu men who attend one church or the other do so secondarily because of their wives and primarily because of God Almighty.
Again, most Ubulu-Uku men who love their wives do not engage in “ikpa mgba”. They stay with their wife most of the time and rarely sleep outside.
They may angrily shout at their wives on top of their voices but not when a third party is present.
Ubulu men also show love to their wives by making sure they pay all the bills such as children school fees, house rent, food, hospital bills amongst others.
Ubulu men do not beat their wives; they show their grievances by rejecting their wives’ food which in most times, lasts only for two days.
Another thing I learnt over the years is that Ubulu-Uku men don’t tell their wives lies. This is because the Ubulu man believes that it is mere cowardice for a man to tell lies before his wife.
The Ubulu men do not sweep the state of their wife’s health under the carpet. One thing I discover is that they try as much as possible to take care whenever their wives fall ill. This is because, a man that loses his wife due to carelessness is highly reproached by all and sundry.
As part of showing love and care to their wives, Ubulu-Uku men, sometimes hire energetic young men to assist their fathers in-law in farm work.
Ubulu men love good things and whenever they see a good thing, they provide them for their wives, no matter the cost. Some men who drink palmwine a lot,sometimes summon the courage to buy some litres for their lovely wives. Even those who love shoes, cars, shirts, wrapper, harts, umbrella, ear rings, necklace, find good ones to buy for their wives as well. Some have built mansions for their wife’s fathers, mother and other in-laws.
Most Ubulu men who love their wives listen to their wives' advices and ideas. They offer help, jobs, cash and even accommodation to any fellow their wife recommends
I have never seen an Ubulu man kiss the wife in the public. Again, I do not know what transpires behind closed doors between Ubulu husbands and wives. But one thing is sure; Ubulu Uku men usually show love to their wives and they demonstrate this in many ways.
…..TO BE CONTNUED
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